I wish I knew how to explain this better.
I am haunted by an impeccable internal alarm clock. The kind that wakes me up no matter what, whether I like it or not, every single day. I'm sure this sounds impossible to most of you because many are aware of how much I love to sleep...all the time. But here I am. It's 7:44 am and I was just called to another day by this better-than-quartz-and/or-atomic psychological machine. The pain in the rump is that I don't have class until 12, and I was really hoping that due to a lower stress count I might be able to grab a few more hours of sleep this morning. Oh well. I guess not.
I actually have a few theories about why I can't sleep anymore (for a long time I couldn't sleep through the night at all, but due to a recent decision I have been able to sleep for at least 6 hours at a time, which Is progress):
- I have a lot to do. My "to do" lists used to include sleeping (and breathing) because I was doing so little of these things.
- My body is healing (slowly). TONS of progress has been made, but a lot still needs to be made. Regardless, I'm pretty sure my body associates sleeping with being sick in one way or another (18 hours of sleep a day?), so I'm thinking that due to my recent decision to force my body to get better, sleep is now taboo.
- Anxiety. Anxiety? Who would have guessed? Not only do I worry when I have lots to do. But I kind of worry when I have anything to do. I don't like projects and deadlines lurking over me. I'd rather work for 72 hours straight and relax than space inevitable malfunctions (ahem: lithography) out over a few weeks of light work loads. I think my final show is starting to get to me. It's in March.
- There is some inconceivable practical joke involving a higher power behind this catastrophe.
And for the rest of my life:
- I turned in my gallery space proposal form earlier this week. This means that my BFA final show will be going up (if everything goes as planned), in March. March!? MARCH!? Does anyone see that little glimmer? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel?
- I turned in my gallery space proposal form earlier this week. But I don't know what my final show is going to be. Architectural or landscape? Any ideas? (PS I purposely made the first two sentences of the past two bullet points exactly the same).
- I am not going applying to architecture programs in December. I know, I know. I am so flaky. I decided I would rather hang out with people than blueprints. Architecture will remain a huge passion in my life, but I decided that art (and people) are too much a part of me to ignore. I have come to realize this as I have started enjoying them again (they weren't fun when I was so sick).
- I am getting Indian food tonight with some friends for my birthday and we are having a little get together after.
- I vote for GMM every day. Today's your last chance! Vote here.
- I finally got my rock climbing pass this week.- I am baby-sitting Patten tomorrow and I can't wait!