The Johnson Family Rules

Anyone reading this probably knows that I didn't grow up with a lot of rules in my house. I was limited only by invisible boundaries that were implied by expectation and I didn't get grounded when I stayed out past curfew. The worst punishment I ever received was not a punishment, per se, but a consequence--meaning that it was for my good and not for the benefit of the person enforcing it (who happened to be my dad). The consequence was him being disappointed in me. That was/is the most terrible feeling in the entire world.

Anyway, I mentioned that I didn't grow up with "a lot" of rules--I grew up with five. These rules are extremely important and I'm pretty sure that all of you can benefit from them:

The Johnson Family Rules

1 - Don't be weird
2 - Don't do dumb things
3 - Be happy
4 - Don't be naked
5 - Deal with it

Simple, right? I agree. These rules may seem pretty random but they actually all have a history and each was inspired by a child in the family. Number five is in honor of all four of us.

1 - Don't be weird

This rule is in honor of Tyler. I'm not sure if there was a specific event that inspired it, but I'm pretty sure that it was just a general statement. I mean, Ty got into PENN...he has got to be sort of weird, right?

2 - Don't do dumb things

David inspired this rule. He broke his arm like 400 times when he was little. I think that his "dumbest moment" was probably when he crashed head-first (while sprinting in a torro stance) into the brick wall at Pete's house across the street. The puddle of blood was enormous and I'm pretty sure his black eye was in full effect within 15 seconds.

3 - Be happy

My fault. This seems pretty silly now, but when Natalie was born I was actually seriously depressed. She took my place as the baby, and (I felt like) she took my place as "Daddy's little girl". I was no longer the center of attention. It actually took me a long time to get over this, but now I am. I finally realized that Natalie is cooler than me and has more talent in her pinky than I have in my entire body, so I'm glad she was born.

4 - Don't be naked

Let's just say that Natalie had a problem with modesty when she was a toddler. We have a splendid picture of her totally naked, standing by the toilet with an entire roll of toilet paper piled on the floor while dawning authentic leather cowboy boots that go up to her mid-thigh. This rule was for her.

5 - Deal with it

This rule is for all of the Johnson children. I'm sure there are many reasons, including the fact that we used to always complain that things weren't fair, bla, bla, ("life isn't fair"), my dad would tell us. I don't know if I punctuated that correctly...

Anyway, those are the rules. I hope you learned something! Don't forget 'em!